She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
