I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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