My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
