And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
