I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
