I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
