i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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