who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize