I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
