I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
