i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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