I wanna bring you to show and tell
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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