woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
