I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
