It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
