we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
