Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
