You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
