you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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