I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
