Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
