and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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