i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
