I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
