So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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