Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
