Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
