You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
