so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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