I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm bleeding and have questions
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
