he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
