have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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