So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
