I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
nutella sex= disaster
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
