I met the friendliest cop last night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
