I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
