I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
