It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
