you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
