I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
