so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize