Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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