McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
