you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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