maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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