You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i now understand why vodka
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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