i think i have herpe
just one?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
