I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
