I heard we made out
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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