I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
