my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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