Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize