Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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