david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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