It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
