I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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