girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
