And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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