I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
