How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
