i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
