one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
