why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
