Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
