My room smells like vodka and shame
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
