I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
